The Anally Challenged

So….Anal sex.  Yeah, I was never really interested.  It looked painful. And kind of dirty.   Not in a “ooh that’s too naughty” sort of dirty but more of a “that’s not very hygienic” sort of dirty.  But after 10 years of turning around and exclaiming, “Hey! Wrong hole, buddy!” I decided that I was ready to take on a little anal action.

Why the change?  What made me think, “Hmm, a cock in EITHER hole might be really hot,”?  Erotica.  The written word is a beautiful thing, isn’t it?  Something that sounded painful to my uneducated mind for all of these years all of a sudden became desirable and sexy.  My husband thanks erotica everyday for my constantly growing desires in the bedroom.

But it wasn’t as simple as jumping right in.  How could it be?  I KNEW it was going to hurt.  I mean, come on.  It’s not like there is any natural lubrication back there.  And how did we begin?  I felt like I needed a beginner’s manual.  Fortunately, there are numerous people on the internet that want to educate the world on how to have enjoyable anal sex.  So I Googled the shit (no pun intended) out of the subject and made a mental plan.

First we started with the dirty talk.  You know; where we TALKED about me taking it in the ass.  Not gonna lie.  It was hot.  Still is hot, actually.  Dirty talk is fabulous.  Post for another day, I think.  The talking went on for months.  Because let’s be honest.  I was scared shitless (again, no pun intended).

Then the husband took off on an extended business trip.  And let’s just say I was bored.  And horny.  A bored and horny me is apparently quite adventurous.  Out came the anal lube (that we had bought but not used yet) and the vibrator that I (we) never used.  I took my time and holy fuck.  It was amazing.  Not only was it amazing, it was fun to tell the partner in crime what I had been up to 😉

Finally the business trip was over.  We tried a couple times with the vibrator and both found that double penetration is wonderful indeed.  But our vibrator is smaller than the real deal and it took a few more months before I decided I was ready for the next and ultimate step.

And then I decided that I was ready.  We made a trip to our local sex shop and bought some toys to ease our way into the final phase.

This one for me: 

This one for him:

I should really see if the Partner in Crime will write his review on this not so recommended product…

And this for us:

These calmed my overly OCD tendencies….

On the big night, we used the Tushy Teasers.  They were meh for me (we might discuss later how they were for him).  We skipped the plugs and moved to the vibrator and then…holy shit that hurt!  Yeah, we did it.  We took our time.  And I was fine until the last couple inches.  Then it just hurt like hell.  And I was getting tired and wanted to be done.  Poor partner in crime was more than willing to keep going slow and was very encouraging.  He is awesome like that.  But it hurt and I am a big baby so I made him stop.  Well I did let him come first – I am such a giver, right?

All in all it wasn’t a horrible experience.  But it wasn’t a good experience either.  And I definitely learned a few things.

1) I enjoyed it (until the end).

2) I think that I want to try it again.

3) I need to be less ambitious and work my way up a little more slowly.

4) When we do it again I will be sure to use an enema before hand.  Yes, it was recommended to me and I decided to ignore that advice.  Never again.

So at this point I still consider myself anally challenged.  Not forever though.  We’ll get there again and I am determined that next time will be a 110% success.

Yeah, Yeah….I am Late to the Party

As much as I love porn and sex, I never considered myself the kind of girl who would crush on a porn star.  I like my porn to be free and short and I don’t usually like to watch the same video more than once.  I never know the names of the participants.  I like the anonymity.  Basically I treat porn like a one night stand.  I took you home.  I had my way with you.  I’ll never call you again.

Then one day my world was turned upside down.  On the search for a video to watch with my Partner in Crime, I came across a video with the title Very Hot Natural Sex  ( yeah, NSFW. This IS a link to porn).  Hmmm….this could be completely amazing or spiral downhill really, really fast.  So I decided to give it a shot.  And…

Ah. Mah. Gahd.

Yeah, I said that.  Because where has this porn (and porn star) been all my life?  Although I find porn to be a turn on, I’ll be the first to agree that the majority of it is focused on its target audience – men.  Finding porn that gets to the point but still focuses on the woman’s pleasure is hard to find but when you do find it, it is more than a little panty-soaking.

Had you shown me a picture of this guy I would have said he was cute but I wouldn’t have believed for a minute that he was a porn star.  He is not your usual tall, buff and overly waxed man candy.  He is thin but fit, on the short side (5’8″), waxed in only the important areas – and sometimes other areas, depending on the film – and he is kind of adorable.

He’s a porn star? No way.

And then I saw him in action….

Yeah, that’s the same guy. He is so focused and so in control. Umph.

…taking care of his partner, offering dirty words and spanks of encouragement, making the girl look at him as she comes….and I realized that he isn’t adorable.  He is out of this world HOT.  And naughty.  And DOMINANT.   More dominant than your typical alpha male.  It’s a heady combination.  No pun intended.  Dear. God.  I have goose bumps just writing this damn post.  Mind you, my description of Mr. Deen is based on that first video I saw.  I am fairly certain that is the only “vanilla” video you will find of his.  You will find that the majority of his repertoire is much kinkier.  Which of course has just made him that much more fascinating for this new fan.

Stills from that first video that changed all my expectations…

I still like my porn free and short but it’s no longer a one night stand.  Now we have a friends-with-benefits type of relationship.  And I fully admit that with friends – um, I mean porn stars – like James Deen, I might be just a little more interested in finding more friends – or porn stars – to take home for a quick ride.

Eloise

Did This Just Happen?

Did I really just start a blog about romance, erotica and porn?  I am not a professional in any of those areas.  I don’t even know how to play a professional on the internet.

What was I thinking?

Hmm…That question is not as easy to answer as I thought it would be.  I initially wanted this to be a place to review erotica and adult romance.  I am a book blogger in my other life but erotica doesn’t fit in with that blogs target audience.  And then I realized that I didn’t necessarily want to limit myself to book reviews.  I also wanted an outlet to ramble and rant about love, romance, erotica, sex and any combination of those things.

I am both a romance whore and a voyeur.  I like to read about and watch people holding hands, kissing, and yes, even having sex.  It’s all just so romantic and lovely and hot.  One thing that I can tell you for sure is that you will find me frequently sharing pictures of hot people and people being hot.  Boys.  Girls.  Girls with boys.  Boys with girls.  Girls with girls.  Boys with boys.  Boys with boys and girls.  Etc.  Needless to say, you will definitely find some sexually charged reviews, posts, pictures and links on this site.  I haven’t decided yet if I will try to keep things safe for work or if you can expect to see breasts, vaginas and cocks.  The jury is still out.  I guess we will just see how this pans out.

Here is a sample of what you WILL see here:

Enjoy!

Eloise